Don't Ask

            As a rule prisoners seldom talk about their cases. There are men whom I have known for many years, that I see every day, yet I have no idea what they're locked up for. Their crimes and the circumstances surrounding them are never discussed. They've chosen to keep this part of their lives low-key and private.

            There is an unwritten “Don't ask – Don't tell” policy that we instinctively adhere to. A man learns this when he first comes into the system. No one needs to know your business.

            Of course certain inmates like myself have a “high profile” case. So most of the guys know about my situation. And some of them have had their cases written up in the law books because they filed appeals.

            These books contain various court decisions, and may give brief details and generalized histories of the crime, resulting arrest, trial, and court proceedings. Thus any inmate could read about another man's alleged criminal acts, his claims of innocence or of any alleged serious errors that were committed by the prosecutor or judge during his trial.

            I have found, however, that those who are adamant about their innocence are usually very vocal about it. They're quick to proclaim their guiltlessness, and they will talk to any sympathetic person they could find. While those who are guilty of the charges against them stay silent. They, like me, seem to have accepted their fate.

…continued…

  Knowing this, I am suspicious of the reports I sometimes hear about a man getting arrested for a serious crime, and then while he's confined in the jail to await his trial he confesses to fellow inmates.

            Prosecutors somehow seem to find those one or two prisoners, usually with long criminal records of their own, who are ready to swear in court – usually in exchange for leniency – that so-and-so admitted to them that he did indeed commit the crime he was arrested for.

            In all the years I have been incarcerated I don't know of a single man who had ever confessed his guilt to fellow prisoners.

            Of course this doesn't apply to those who enter the jail boasting of their criminal acts. This happens too, but it's usually among gang members or with the younger men who want to quickly assert themselves and gain what they think would be a more prominent position in the pecking order.

            The men who boast know they're guilty, and they don't care. They only want to make themselves look tough.

            Yet for those who protest their innocence from the moment of their arrest, it is extremely doubtful they would secretly confess to having done what they were arrested for.

            I will always remain skeptical of the latter. To admit one's guilt to another inmate while at the same time proclaiming his innocence to everyone else, is silly.

            Prosecutors are sometimes successful with this tactic, but not always.

*Jake is not his real name.

D.B

Being Lied To

            Several days ago I received a letter from a young man by the name of Jake.* He was boasting to me about his big collection of serial killer cards and his fascination with such individuals.

            Jake said that he reads a lot of books and loves to watch movies about serial killers, and that he has amassed many facts about them from the Internet.

            My heart was heavy as I read his letter. He's obviously deluded by the media's portrayal of those who commit these kind of crimes.

            I seldom get letters like Jake's. But on occasion people like him do write to ask questions or to express their fascination with this subject.

            Usually I never reply. With this man, though, I did.

            I tried to explain to Jake that hurting another person is a horrible thing. It's not exciting or fun. Rather it is sick and evil.

            It's a nightmare with lots of grief and pain, I said to him, not only for the families of the victims, but for the ones doing the harm.

            Jake needed to know, too, that I have a tremendous amount of sorrow for what I did at a time when my own life was out of control. That I had no right to take peoples' lives, and how I would do anything if I could undo it.

            To me this man appears to be living in a Hollywood type fantasy world in which killing someone is portrayed as being of no big deal, and that it is cool.

…continued…

            I believe that when someone watches certain crime shows on television or in the movies, it is easy to get a false impression. So I tried to bust through Jake's immature and absurd ideas by telling him that inmates basically lead broken and defeated lives. We struggle to survive, and we must endure the day-to-day monotony of prison life.

            I explained to Jake that being locked up is hard. That I myself have nearly twenty-eight years of confinement, and I have to live in a cage like an animal.

            He needed to be told to look beyond his fascination with mass murderers and face reality.

            I was firm with Jake, but I was kind. I hope I was able to help him to see that his present views are foolish.

D.B

            I have been betrayed for money. Even as I write this, there is a man who's trying to market me and turn me into an item to be sold. He's intent on riches and fame for himself, or so he thinks.

            But what can I do? I could pray for this individual, and I could plead with the Lord to have mercy upon him.

            In the end, however, unless my Judas turns from his selfish ways, his life will be full of trouble. He shall not prosper. And even his family will be affected for the worst because of his greediness.

            Yet this is the path he has chosen.

How sad!

D.B

Loving Money

He that is greedy for gain
troubles his own house…
                                                                        Proverbs 15:27a

            If you ever want to make lots of trouble for yourself and cause your loved ones a lot of grief, be greedy for gain. The Bible says that the “love of money is the root of all evil” (1 Timothy 6:10a).

            Avarice is a problem that can ultimately destroy your soul. Judas Iscariot was infected by it. For several years he lived and walked with Jesus. He saw the Lord open the eyes of the blind and unstop the ears of the deaf.

            Judas saw the dead being raised to life. Yet for some inexplicable reason Judas' heart was never moved by these miracles. Instead, as the gospel narratives reveal, he was a “thief” who managed to get put in charge of overseeing the moneybag.

            While multitudes from all walks of life put their focus on the Lord and His loving power to heal and help the hurting and downtrodden, Judas turned his attention to coins.

            Eventually Judas' greed caused him to betray Jesus and sell him to the religious authorities for thirty pieces of silver.

            Yet this is not just a tale from the Scriptures. It is a story that's for today because the world is filled with greedy men.

We, too, like Jesus, could be sold out by any one of them. And this has actually happened to me!

…continued…

*Joann is not her real name.

Being There

            In spite of my own struggles and the difficult and disappointing situations I seem to be encountering these days, the Lord has been granting me precious opportunities to touch the lives of my peers.

            The hardships a man faces while incarcerated are many. It's more than being confined to a cell for a certain number of hours per day. It is more than having to eat bad quality food, or being far from one's home.

            Death, for example, is a special enemy for a prisoner. Everyone has to face death, of course. But I am referring to the passing away of a man's loved ones.

            The pain of losing a family member is by far the worst of all things.

            Just this month I've had opportunities to help two men who have suffered devastating losses. Their grief has been clearly etched on their faces, and I don't blame them for showing it.

            One of these men has been in prison for almost thirty years. Then came the news that his wife died suddenly, and he was not prepared.

            While another man lost his last remaining family member. His uncle, whom he was very close to, died unexpectedly from a heart attack. Now he's alone, and he told me how frightened he is to now have no one beyond these walls.

            Both of them have cried in my arms. The men from my chapel fellowship have also been helping them to cope. All we could do is pray for these guys and try to be there for them in their times of need and deep hurt.

D.B

Missing Alan

           A few weeks ago my best friend Alan was summoned to court. He's doing time for a conviction under the harsh Rockefeller Drug Law. But while incarcerated he repented of his sins, and he's been faithfully serving the Lord.

           And like many others who've been sentenced under this particular law, Alan has been challenging his conviction. Recently, however, he received some good news. So in a moment's notice he was ordered to pack his belongings and go to Riker's Island , which is part of the New York City jail system.

           Even though Alan is an inmate under the care and custody of the New York State Department of Corrections, having been sentenced to a term in the state system, it is to New York City that he must return so that he's near the court where his trial was held, and where his appeal is now being reviewed.

           I'm extremely glad for Alan. Nevertheless, his incarceration has not been without great suffering. He lost both his father and brother to untimely deaths. And if he is released from prison, he will have to begin his life all over again.

           Alan is a few years older than me. A college graduate and extremely knowledgeable of the Scriptures, he has a regular Bible teacher in my congregation.

           Alan has also been a constant companion in my struggles. Throughout the years I've known him, he was my confidant and my closest friend.

…continued…

  I cannot count the hours he and I spent together waling the recreation yard, talking about God, our families, and our lives.

           Alan and I prayed together on many occasions, and we encouraged each other when we encountered our individual hardships.

           And there were many times when we rejoiced in our spiritual victories and for the visible answers to our prayers.

           Therefore with Alan having gone back to court my loss is tremendous

           Yet I hope to receive word shortly that he has been freed and given “time served.”

           But perhaps the best part for Alan is that, Lord willing, he is soon to be married to a strikingly beautiful woman, Joann,* his girlfriend of many years who has stood with him while he was behind bars.

           So at least this is one prison story that has a happy ending.

D.B

Fame Seekers

           And moreover I saw under the sun the place of judgment, that wickedness was there; and the place of righteousness that iniquity was there.

Ecclesiastes 3:16

           When I think of the people who came into my life, told their lies, took what they wanted, and then moved on to write their articles and publish their books in the quest for fifteen minutes of fame, what vanity!

           The Bible says that there is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9). Times may have changed, but people have not.

           Men scheme. They plot their courses as they seek to promote themselves. And many times their ambitions plans appear to succeed.

           Yet nothing can thwart what the Lord has ordained. Ultimately His purposes will be accomplished.

           Puny men may seek to establish their ways. But they will be forced to confess their follies to a God they have never known.

           For a day of judgment is coming when every soul will have to bow down to a power infinitely greater than his own.

D.B